Not getting along with a roommate is common enough that it's not a sign either of you did something wrong. What matters is how you handle it - and most of the time, the fix is smaller and less dramatic than it feels in the moment.
Start With a Direct, Specific Conversation
It's tempting to vent to everyone except the person involved. A direct conversation - about one specific issue, not a list of grievances - resolves far more than people expect, mostly because roommates often genuinely don't realize something's a problem until they're told plainly.
Separate "Annoying" From "Actually a Problem"
Different sleep schedules and different tidiness standards are normal friction, not a crisis - these usually improve with a clear, calm conversation (see vetting a roommate for the questions that head this off early). Repeated disrespect, safety concerns, or anything involving harassment is a different category entirely, and worth involving your RA immediately rather than trying to handle it alone.
Your RA Is a Real Resource, Not a Last Resort
RAs are specifically trained for exactly this situation, and involving one early isn't "escalating" or "tattling" - it's usually the fastest path to an actual resolution, whether that's a mediated conversation or, if needed, a formal room change.
Document Anything Serious
If the situation involves repeated harassment, safety concerns, or anything you might need to reference later, keep a simple written record - dates, what happened, who else was present. Not because you're building a case, but because "it's been happening for weeks" is a much stronger starting point with housing staff than trying to recall specifics from memory in the moment.
Room Changes Are Usually Possible, But Not Immediate
Every school handles this differently, and most have a real process for a room reassignment when things genuinely aren't working - but it's rarely instant, and most housing offices want to see that you've tried direct communication and RA mediation first. Check your specific school's housing policy for the actual process and timeline.
It's Fine to Just Coexist
Not every roommate situation becomes a friendship, and that's a completely normal outcome, not a failure. Basic mutual respect and clear boundaries are a perfectly good result on their own.